It’s been awhile

I haven’t written anything in a really long time. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to. I just couldn’t bring myself to write. My whole being has been in turmoil. I’m struggling to climb out of this dark hole.

I know, I know, you are thinking this woman is full of it. She is always smiling. She is still living her life. Yeah, I am because I have 3 boys that need a mom. But at the end of the day, when I am alone in my room, the smiles stop. I just want to melt into the abiss and never be found.

Depression. It’s a weird thing. I don’t really understand it. I don’t want to be this way. I don’t want to shut down and have dark thoughts. I try to distract myself, but that’s harder than you think.

When my boys were tiny!

I read my books, watch some shows, and write in my journal. It’s not helping much, though. It helps for a tiny bit, and then the darkness sinks in.

The one person who I want to notice. To pull me out of this place. The one person I need more than anyone, he ignores me. I don’t know why. It’s like he doesn’t want to see how bad it is for me. He doesn’t want to acknowledge it, so then it isn’t real to him.

I was having a good morning, and this is a real genuine smile.

It’s real, though. It’s getting worse, and I’m scaring myself. I’m even at the point where I know I need stronger medication, so I made a doctor’s appointment.

I don’t want to be like this. I dont want to be broken. I’m trying to heal myself, but it’s so hard fighting against that part of me. I’m fighting, though, and I will not stop fighting.

I’m not writing this for attention. I’m writing this to help me and to help anyone else. To let them know they aren’t alone, and if they need a listening ear, I’m here.

My world is in 1 picture!

I’m writing this because I need to express myself. It helps the depression and to deny that part of me is making it worse. I can’t promise, I’ll be better tomorrow or in a year. But what I can promise is I will never stop fighting to heal myself and get out of this hole. I have 3 amazing sons who need their mom.

I made a promise to them when they were each born that I would be the best mom I could be. Giving into the depression isn’t keeping my promise, so I will keep fighting because I love my boys more than life itself.

Xoxo Sharon

6 responses to “It’s been awhile”

  1. It’s aggravating to think that people think you’re bullshitting. If people even took a second, they’d surely see you’re suffering.
    I dunno if some people pretend not to see it cuz they don’t know how to handle it, but hell, just being there for you as support, making an effort- any at all, would likely help.
    Yes, depression and stress are from different sources, feel and look differently, but once you know it, in my mind, you have to have SOME feeling of what another person could be feeling like.
    Anytime I’m going through whatever nonsense and post about it, you’ve never hesitated to give me words of encouragement, even as you, yourself, were suffering. That speaks volumes to me about your character. I know I can only do so much. I try to watch what I say, because we are so conditioned to reply often to things with stupid and unhelpful sentiments, especially when we don’t know what to say or how to deal with things. I know I’m brash and don’t mince words at times, and when I’m mad about something you’re dealing with I kinda 🤬cuz it’s just so ANGER INDUCING.
    I am here for you and always will be. I suck at texting, but I’ll always be here for you to scream to if you need it. I hate that you’re hurting so much, in both physical and mental ways. I hate that there’s any doubt about that. I hate that not everyone supports like they should- and while I get that it’s mentally taxing to take up another persons problems… there is one instance that I kinda remember you promise to do just that…
    I have a lot more I want to say. But I’ll save it for texts as I think my comment is already a bit… yeah.
    Love you always. 💜


    1. Thank you for always being a friend


  2. One day at a time- amazing that you are strong enough to share your struggles. When I went through a depression, I wanted to share mine but I couldn’t do it. You are helping people realize they are not alone. 🥰


    1. Thank you for your kind words


    2. You are a warrior and although you feel alone because the person you want to be there just doesn’t seem to give a 💩, you aren’t alone! You are loved! You are cared about! You are admired! You are someone else’s sunshine! Never stop believing in your worth! I know this is hard but you WILL get through it! I here for you ALWAYS! Love you!!! 💜💜💜💜💜💜


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