3 boys and me

That question is always in my head. As a mom, a wife, a friend, and at work. I’m always questioning if I’m good enough. I’m always doubting myself, and I really need to stop doing that!

It’s hard, though, to stop doing it, especially when you are getting spoken to like you are less than. It’s hard to stop questioning your worth when the people around you put you down in a roundabout way.

Yesterday, I almost quit. I was frustrated and annoyed. I have been enjoying what I’m doing, but apparently, the other people I work with don’t, and they are taking it out on me. Speaking to me like I’m a child instead of training me. Taking their frustrations out on me, and that’s just not fair.

I am always willing to be a team player and always willing to learn. Yesterday, I shut down, and my mental health is worth more than being spoken to like I’m a 5 year old. I felt less than, and I was upset. My resting bitch face came out and it was hard-core.

The am I good enough feeling is not that great. It makes you question yourself and puts you in a funk. I feel like this all the time. I question everything and wonder why people bother with me. Especially when I get treated the way I do.

It’s hard to break this. I try, I really really try to. But this is something that has been going on since I was young. I’ve never felt good enough.

I was always put down and told my grades, the chores I was doing, etc, weren’t enough. Crap, I’m crying now. OK, I’m going to take a break and come back to this because it’s hitting me right in my soul.

You know, feeling like you are not good enough sets you on this path of loneliness. A path of almost self-destruction. I try too hard. I push myself too hard because I want to be told I did a good job. The problem with this is that I’m hurting myself.

I don’t know how to slow down. I struggle with just resting and letting myself heal. I need to learn I am enough, and I deserve to be treated well. I need to learn that I can stand up for myself. I need to work on resting, truly resting.

I need to learn that other people putting me down, making me feel badly is because they are insecure. I am enough! I deserve respect!

If you have ever felt like I do, what do you do? How do you heal? How do you stop the negative voice in your head? I truly want answers because I don’t want to live like this anymore!

Xoxo sharon