My Monster…

It’s been a few days since I’ve written anything. It’s been a busy weekend. A nice weekend. Busy weekends though mean usually mean Sunday night/ Monday is a tough time for me. And that’s exactly whats happening now.

I took the boys to Fright Feast to hang out with our cousins. It was so much fun and good for my soul just to spend the time with family from my side of the family. We don’t see them nearly enough. Honestly we don’t really spend much time with my side of the family. It’s weird once my grandparents passed away, it’s like no one felt the need to keep in touch. But that’s another post for another day.

I knew that taking the boys to do an activity that required alot of walking was going to take alot out of me. It was worth it though. They had fun especially the tiny one. Watching him laugh with his cousin and enjoying himself made my heart happy. Having that bond is so important and I know I need to try harder to make sure we all stay connected.

That was Saturday and on Sunday I took the tiny one to the circus. I thought it would be ok. I was just sitting right. Nope, I struggled just to sit in the seats. My feet were achy and my hands had shooting pain going through them. But I stuck it out because he was loving every second of that circus.

But I knew it was coming…

The pain! I could feel it stirring under the surface of my joints. Once we got home from the circus, I did the only thing I knew to do. I laid down on the couch. Honestly I don’t know what to do anymore because i was feeling good but that was partly to do with these amazing supplements I take.

My friend and fellow lupus fighter Laura described what we go through the best. She said, ” It’s like having a monster inside you that moves through all your systems. As soon as one thing clears up, another starts.”

And if you are like me and Laura and have multiple issues, it’s a never ending cycle of torture. Most days I want to crawl into a ball and cry but I can’t. I have to live and I push myself to do just that. Live!

I refuse to let lupus, hs or anything else kill me. Yep, they can kill me. But I’m going to fight despite how hard it is. I’m going to fight the MONSTER every single day!

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